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Reflections on meetups: Going from digital to real life
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Reflections on meetups: Going from digital to real life Full disclosure, I use both this site and Tinder to cast a social net out there and see what is available. While it seems that this site would be more conducive to a meet up/hook up, my experience has been that Tinder has worked better. And of course, me being me, I reflect on why that is as well as seeking out the commonalities as well as the differences. The conclusions I drew - which are not all-encompassing by any means - are threefold. First, I believe Tinder is going to reach many more people in the general area. As with any sort of dating or hookup prospects, it is a numbers game through and through. Secondly, with Tinder I feel as though there is a certain social etiquette that is vis-a-vis a prospective meetup which is likely missed or underused on AdultFriendFinder: the palatable introduction. On this subject, there are a myriad ways of going about it. General guidelines (for guys) is to avoid the laconic "hey," "how are you?" "how has your day been?" and instead say something that indicates any number of the following: that you read their profile, that you have a personality and are fun/relaxed, and express genuine interest. As with AdultFriendFinder, Tinder women have their pick of the litter. This is where guys misunderstand a lack of response as disinterest (which, it may be) instead of looking at the fact that females must sift through and triage their matches. Finally, I feel as though AdultFriendFinder is more fantasy-driven and addresses certain "taboos" which mean more vulnerability for a potential meetup. For me, I treat the Tinder meetup like the AdultFriendFinder meetup: first and foremost, connection and mutual agreement on what follows. Honesty and communication are crucial; trust, precarious but can be fostered with an easy-flowing conversation and taking things slowly. That last part - taking things slowly - is key. Guys of course get overtaken by unrealistic expectations and neediness and usually blow it (I've been there, believe me). So how about the meetup? Guys, in my opinion, should lead the way facilitating a meetup in the near future, at a certain place and time (I prefer meeting up over coffee to see if there is any conversation) that is public and safe. Ultimately, guys need to be prepared for being stood up. This past weekend I had three meetups and only two showed. I have been stood up a few times and while it is not the best feeling in the world, it is not the worst. For guys, the message is simple: be understanding, and realize that they do not owe you anything. Also keep in mind that they are likely nervous, or forgot, or had other plans, or any reasons which are basically none of our business to decide for them. Do not get angry. Anger - an expression of hurt; a secondary emotion - shows immaturity and a desire to control. To wrap it up, take it easy and go with the flow. Foster positive encounters and have a genuine interest in the other person and their needs. Most of all, take nothing personal. Hope you enjoyed this blog post! Feel free to comment! |
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Ditto Lala... 3 meet ups in one weekend!!! most men on here don't have that in a year!! .... They should read your post!
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Great post, as a veteran of this site, everything you said was on point. Hopefully, a lot of the others will read this and apply it to their journeys on this site 😎
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Great attitude! Keep having fun  {=}xoxo's, em*Y*
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8/20/2018 1:44 pm |
Ditto Lala... 3 meet ups in one weekend!!! most men on here don't have that in a year!! .... They should read your post! Not the Whole Truth but the truth that I can see.
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Good advice, nicely written.
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8/20/2018 8:05 pm |
Mikey asked Thank you for reading the post. I'm curious as to what you have done these three years and why you think you have not been successful? Well I have a life beyond dating, I have run a marathon, and a handful of halfs along with s couple shorter distance events. I do some resistance training, probably less than you but I don't think that it would really show if I did, been on several introduction sites (the fishy place, Tinder, even one focused on fitness people, and craiglist personals when that was still a thing. Concerts, a few nights out here and there, trip to Nashville with a friend. Not a lot recently because I have been doing some volunteer work. Add that to a house and dog and 70 hour work week with a weekend off maybe once a month, it doesn't really leave much time for a whole lot else. I dated one woman for a while from craiglist but she seemed to only call when she needed me to help her with something and the things she needed help with were never sexual or romantic unless you think toilets are romantic My lack of success has been largely I think because I have very clear idea of the sort of woman that I am looking for and every time I stray even a little from that, I end up feeling like I am being used again, I have a well defined type and it is not like I am willing to travel far (an hour is pushing it) to just have coffee. When combined with an alright bur forgettable body and face for radio, it is a recipe for frustration unless you just accept that you are, more than likely never going to meet anyone who you are interested in and who is interested in you, And thank you for listening. Not the Whole Truth but the truth that I can see.
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This past weekend I had three meetups and only two showed. I have been stood up a few times When you spoke to them on the phone (voice not text) did you get a feel for whether the ones who stood you up were genuinely interested in the meeting? When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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Mikey0419 replies on 8/21/2018 4:34 pm: I did not talk to any of them over the phone. We exchanged numbers, sure, but my way of going about meeting up is date/place/time. They either show or they don't. And that is often the flaw when people complain about being stood up. They fail to use their instincts. Yes, people who do not communicate well should expect to get stood up.  When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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Mikey0419 replies on 8/21/2018 8:51 pm: To me, calling to confirm expresses insecurity and distrust. This is not to say it won't work, but it's not my style. There is value both in the achievement of the desired outcome, and the choice to respond to an undesired outcome in a patient, centered and understanding way. Just to be clear - I don't call to confirm. I call the woman to - see if she is someone I want to meet, to get a sense if her interest is as written, to make sure she is a she, and to make the date. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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